


Clockless Land

by mendbrokenhearts



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie
Genre: Fangirl, Love, M/M, Magic, POV Baz, POV First Person, POV Simon, SnowBaz, carry on, fight, rainbow rowell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 06:14:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5237474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mendbrokenhearts/pseuds/mendbrokenhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Clock ticking. That's the only sound I've been hearing for days and it doesn't stop echoing my mind."</p><p>Simon's pretty conflicted. His wings and tail are bothering him, his magic is gone, he has nightmares everynight but what he's truly missing is Baz.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Clockless Land

**Author's Note:**

> I might also write more cute little things like these so heads up!! Leave a comment or kudos if you feel like it!

Clock ticking.

That's the only sound I've been hearing for days. It doesn't stop echoing my mind.  
I'm sat on my back staring at the ceiling. From the moment the sun rises until it sets. Basically from 5am to when my eyes eventually get tired and let me down. I've been having the worst nightmares for to weeks now. I wake up on the edge, very close to a panic attack.I don't move until I manage to calm down. Actually, I end up not moving an inch the whole day. Not like I'd have anything else to do anyway. My Uni gave us a break of 3 weeks, which is a lot. But Penny's almost never home. Micah came back from America to stay with Penny for a while. I've only seen him once since he came. Now that I realise it, I haven't talked to anybody for 2 weeks. Not like anyone tried to anyways. Suddenly, I feel hot salty tears running down my cheeks. I don't bother to wipe them. I've been in this room for fucking two weeks, feeding myself with aero bars hidden under my bed and not anything else. I can't even put a foot outside because of my bloody wings and this shitty tail, there's no way to make them invisible like Penny usually does for me, because without my magic i'm useless. Without magic I'm nothing. My best friend forgot about me even if we live under the same roof. I can't blame her though. My boyfriend, well my fucking boyfriend, he probably forget i exist. At this point, I realise I'm sobbing wildly as I can't control them. The only thing echoing in the whole apartment is my clock, and my sobs. Suddenly I feel anger rising up from inside. I get up, feeling weak, slowly heading for the sink to wash my face thinking it would help me calm down. I splash icy water on my bare face and put my hands on the edge of the sink while letting my head hang down over it.

I hear a door opening. Fright appears and tickles me from head to toe. My nightmares have been composed of the Humdrum coming back for me, as if I've never defeated him. He tried to kill me every-time, succeeding. I feel a rush of panic rise through me and the blood in my veins heating up. I get out of the bathroom and peek from the bedroom door to eventually catch a glimpse of what, or who, broke into my house.

I see a bored (but handsome) looking Baz laying on our couch. He notices me, his gaze getting off his phone to finally look at me.

"Hey Snow."

Those are the first words addressed to me I've heard from anyone since two weeks. Base acts like nothing happened. Not like he just ignored me and let me rot for two weeks. I feel the anger coming back and I can't help it. I snap.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" -his smile falls, he looks genuinely confused-

"What?" is all he manages to say.

"What do you mean what?! You've got to be kidding me, it has been two fucking weeks! Do you realise that? You haven't even tried to contact me once. You left me waiting like a dumb idiot. -same difference he would say- and you suddenly decide to come back like this, I mean no big deal of course!" I shake my head as I'm letting the words slip out of my mouth.

"Chill, Snow, it was only two weeks, I'm in front of you now, don't act like the world ended. Merlin." he says looking at me in the eye.

I finally burst. "Oh yeah!!" -a bitter laugh escapes my mouth- only two weeks, certainly i need to chill, yes exactly! Do you even know? How it feels like? - Baz's eyes widen, he's probably surprised, i've never snapped like this. But to be honest, I am too- I've been on my own for fucking two weeks. My own boyfriend ignored me for weeks. I felt so fucking lonely Baz. Do you understand that? Stuck in a room. Confined. Hardly breathing. No other sound but clocks ticking, my breaths and pitiful sobs. Do you know how it feels? I lost my magic. I can't go out because of fucking shitbags engraved on my body. I can't even make them disappear on my own. I can't help myself. I'm useless.No one's here for me. It's just me. On my own. No wonder you tell me I have to chill. You. Don't. Fucking. Know. Ok-"

The second my eyes look up to check Baz's reaction, I freeze. His face is all red, he looks furious. All of a sudden, I realise he's about to do something I never thought we would even dare even think about.

"Shut the fuck up Snow!! You're right: you are so fucking useless, but not only, you're a selfish fucktard. You asshole. 'Aches From Head To Toe'"!

As he pronounces those last words, I realise Baz just used a spell to hurt me. He used it against me. I catch Penny and Micah gaping at us from the front door just before my whole body hurts, every single body part hurt deadly. I start shaking and my wings hurt the most. I even start thinking they're going to detach themselves and fall down at a point. So much for wanting them to be invisible. I feel like crying. My legs abandon me and i fall back, not being able to move.

"Simon" I hear Penny whisper.

Taken aback,I feel betrayed, even frightened by him. Not only his words hit me like a bullet but it feels like a meteor fell on me if you add up the spell to all of this fucking mess. He brings his hand onto his mouth , dropping his wand that I hadn't even noticed before. He gets closer to me, probably wanting to apologies. But on the spur of the moment, I don't want to lay there, powerless, on the verge of tears with all of my body hurting like hell. With all of my might and strength left, I silently get up and rush out of the apartment. I go down a flight of stairs, falling over a few times because my legs are hardly even working properly right now. I then, realise that, I don't have anywhere to go since my wings and tail are showing and i'm definitely not going back in there. I remember i once found an underground cave while exploring the building. No one's ever there. I rush down and there and when i open the cold metal door, i realise it's freezing. But it's honestly better than nothing. As my body can't handle this anymore, I slide down a wall, my whole body shaking, not only because of the spell but because, again, I'm sobbing uncontrollably.

"you are so fucking useless, but not only, you're a selfish fucktard."

His words keep echoing through my mind, roaming in every corner of my brain. He's right. I know I'm dumb. I shouldn't have said that. At least not that way. I'm a huge prat, I said that even though i knew he was stuck in a coffin for 6 weeks. That's how fucking selfish I am. He used a harmful spell on me. That's how much he hates me. I feel dead as much in the inside as the outside. I suddenly feel so weak, at the same time because I haven't eaten for so long, because the spell is killing me and I can't do anything against it. I probably deserve this. I promptly feel like I'm going to faint, which I do. My head hits the ground as I think that I'm going to have the worst nightmare ever, that's if I'm not already going through it.

BAZ

I look down at both of my hands. I don't move for a few minutes. I don't think I'm even breathing. The only thing I can think about is: what the fuck did I just do. I can't bring my body to move or myself to think properly. Called my boyfriend the worst names I could ever had.I just attacked Simon. With magic. All the blood in my face ices as I remember the broken, frightened look he had on his face while looking at me. I finally come to my senses, by hearing Bunce starting to panic.

"Baz! What the fuck."

I rush outside as soon as those words get to my ears. I run out of the building hoping I could catch up with Simon. But quickly I realise he couldn't have possibly gone out with his wings and tail like that. Could he? I look for him in every single floor of the building. He's not there. I try to calm down for a minute, to catch my breath and to think properly and fast. Where would he go. Then a memory appears right there. One day, Simon talked to me about " a really cool underground cave where he could play hide and seek" as he said. The cave. In a dash, I run down that stairs to get to the cave's door. As soon as I open it, I can feel the cold emanating from it slapping my hot cheeks. It's pitch black, but thank Merlin I can see. As my eyes scan the room in a hurry, I finally spot him. He's pale, his cheeks are wet, his wings are bleeding. He looks thinner, worse than all of those days he'd come back after summer vacation. I caused this.  
I start panicking, not knowing what to do. My mind goes blank. I carefully take him in my arms and start running back up.

SIMON

"No, Baz, stop , please i beg you don't do this! Don-" I feel the blade going straight into my heart. Baz smirks. "Chill Snow. The pain's going to disappear in a small while. Completely." Everything goes black.

I open my eyes. Panting so hardly and sweating. It was just a nightmare. I'm fine. I catch my breath. But at that moment, all of the memories come back rushing in. Me snapping. Baz. Magic. Fainting. My head suddenly feels very heavy. I have no idea who brought me up here but at this point, I don't really care anymore. The lights are very low but enough so I can read on my clock that it's 2am. I sigh heavily when the door cracks open. Baz tip toes in with a glass of water in his right hand and a towel in his left one. As soon as he notices me staring at him, he stops. But then silently gets closer and sits on my bed. I flinch by instinct. At the sight of that, his eyes flash with hurt and sadness. It doesn't stop him from patting my face with the towel, probably because i am sweating like a dog. I slightly wince as my wings start aching. He looks at them, and I take that chance to look at his face properly instead of lowering my head. He looks so pained, so sad. I just want to hug him so tightly and never let him go. If only it were that simple. His gaze returns to me as he whispers "You were having a horrible nightmare" I nod looking away. "Was I the one hurting you? Was that why your were screaming my name in tears?" I nod once again. He lets his hands drop for a moment. We're both silent for a while.

Until he finally speaks up.

"Fuck. Simon. Sorry. I didn't mean to, I swear. I'm the asshole, I'm the selfish and useless one.You're the most selfless person I've ever met. You saved us all. Even though you had to lose something precious to you. If that isn't the most selfless thing anyone has ever done, I don't know what it. I haven't contacted you just because I thought you wanted to spend time with Bunce. I had no idea Micah was coming. If only I had known. It isn't an excuse thought. I'm the worst boyfriend ever. I can't believe I fucking hurt you. I can't believe what got to me. I don't understand. I'm a fucking prat. But it won't ever happen, ever again. I can promise you. I only thought of myself, I didn't think of how hurt you must've felt. I didn't mean to hurt you. I swear. I know I've been repeating myself but that's how dumb I am. Simon. Please. Don't break up with me. I'd be lost without you. I wouldn't be anything. Please. I'll make it up to you. You're the my most precious thing on this earth Simon. Believe in me."

His eyes get glossy as he passes his hands through his shiny hair. I exhale when I realise I was holding my breath the whole time.

BAZ

I can feel the tears threatening to fall down. If he doesn't forgive me, I don't know what I'd do. I can't even picture it. I fucked it up. I'm sure I did. I can't look at his face. I can't stand seeing the fright in his eyes. Although I have to. I have to look at him. I slowly turn my head to stare at him. I gasp with surprise as I notice he's crying. I can't take it anymore. I loosen my grip from the things I was holding and take him in my arms. As soon as I do that he starts sobbing against my chest. "It will be okay. Don't worry. I'm here. I love you" are the words I whisper to him as I run my hands through his hair. He puts his arms around me and tighten his grip. "I'm sorry." He whispers. For a moment there, I think he's about to break up with me. I freeze, but as soon as I feel his mouth connecting with mine, my eyes fill up with lust and tears.

"I forgive you Baz and I'll do that as much as needed." He whispers against my eyes after he breaks our kiss.

"Crowley, how much I love you, Simon Snow."


End file.
